Dating With a Herpes Infected Partner

Dating someone with herpes is risky to say the least, you might wanna think twice before going down that particular road. But hats off to those of you willing to risk infection (and stigmatization) for love. The following are some things you should know and some things to look out for when dating someone living with herpes.

Herpes apparently haven’t changed the way you feel about your partner, else you wouldn’t be reading this. But in the event that you did leave your partner upon this revelation, consider the following: that particular moment when your partner told you that they had herpes has got to be the most difficult thing they had ever done. It’s also a sign of their maturity and responsibility, so be sure to properly thank them for that.


Now for those of you that remain, first and foremost you need to realize that herpes is a manageable condition. Meaning that there are steps you and your partner can take in ensuring that you both have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Now this means that you both need to adopt certain changes in your life to prevent transmission and to protect yourself and those around you.


Remember, your partner has demonstrated courage and strength by telling you the truth about their condition. And if you’ve chosen to pursue this relationship, it’s time for you to show some degree of courage as well.

The following are some tips you can use:

1. Get tested. If your partner has been tested for herpes, find out what sort of testing they went through. Their answer will likely be a blood test, and that’s what you should get as well. It’s only natural for you to get tested since sharing a life with someone living with herpes is risky. A blood test will confirm whether you need to protect yourself while you’re around her or not. And if you test positive, then you can enjoy a carefree sexual relation with them. If you test negative, then you need to take all the necessary precautions. 

2. Keep your partner’s spirit up! Courage and maturity, that’s what your partner demonstrated to you when they admitted that they have herpes. On the other hand, you’ve also shown courage and valor when you decided that your relationship was worth pursuing. So seeing as that you both are extraordinary people to begin with, all you need to do now to make your relationship last is simply to just be there for each other. Support each other through thick and thin so that both your spirit and your partner’s spirit are always high. Be caring and loving to each other, and you’ll find that not even herpes can bring you down. 

3. Arm yourself with knowledge. Generally speaking, the best defense against this disease is knowledge; meaning that you would stand a better chance of protecting yourself and others if you have a basic understanding of what herpes is, what their characteristics are, method of transmission and so on. These basic knowledge will go a long way in making sure that the risks of herpes are significantly reduced and you as a couple are able to make informed and educated decisions.   


4. Make the ultimate decision and stick with it. Once you’ve made that ultimate decision of staying with your infected partner, you can draw strength from the fact that herpes isn’t as terrifying as most people say. It’s basically just a really contagious skin infection; it’s not life-threatening, it doesn’t produce any symptoms whatsoever most of the time, and it doesn’t really debilitate you physically. So if you happen to love your partner and choose to be with them, herpes isn’t really that big of a deal (provided both you and your partner have taken the necessary precautions). Herpes doesn’t really detract from the amazing qualities that have attracted you to them in the first place. It’s just some condition that warrants you to make some minor changes in the way you guys show affection to one another. And in time, herpes would become just a side note in your great journey of love. 

So what about sex?

Now that herpes has entered the equation, how exactly are you planning to get intimate with your partner? How do you take that plunge into intimacy?

Well, herpes inevitably changed the rules of engagement. Now that you’re aware of your partner’s condition, you need to take precautionary measures to minimize the risks involved. Keep in mind, however, that although there are ways of minimizing the risk of transmission, you can’t eliminate that possibility altogether. There’s always some risk of transmission associated with having intercourse with an infected person.

You can use condoms as some type of barrier or simply avoid having sex when your partner is having an outbreak. But condoms only provide partial protection, while not having outbreaks doesn’t really stop transmissions from occurring.


You'll need to do the following to protect yourself and minimize the risk of infection: 

• Use condoms. As previously mentioned, this won't completely protect you against infection, but it does reduce the possibility. 

• Ensure that your significant other is on an antiviral medication to suppress their viral contagiousness. Whether Acyclovir, Famvir or Valtrex, make sure they take it on a daily basis. 

• Sexual abstinence. Well, at least during specific time frames which includes just before an episode, throughout an episode and some time after an episode. Encourage your partner to let you know when they’re feeling an outbreak is coming, and avoid sex for a while. 


So basically what it all comes down to is that the chances of you contracting this STD after you’ve taken the necessary precautions are as low as 3%! There are many examples of individuals having prolonged contact with an infected partner and never develop an infection.

Appreciate your sexual coexistence together. Anyway, there's still that risk with getting the infection in the event that you are dating somebody with herpes.


All in all, although pursuing a sexual relationship with an infected partner poses a very real threat of infection, but the precautionary steps to protect yourself against this STD are, in most cases, adequate.